Who Keeps Destroying our Probes To Phobos?

With the destruction of yet another Russian mission to Phobos,

the tiny moon of mars whose name means “terror” in ancient Greek, one may wonder who is trying to keep us from finding out what’s there. The non-onomatopoetically named “Phobos-grunt” probe (grunt means ‘ground’ in Russian) has just crashed into the Pacific Ocean. As these clippings attest, Earth’s efforts to understand Phobos are continually thwarted. Is this just bad luck or is there something more sinister involved?  Many have claimed that the failure of the second Russian mission was due to a missile of some sort launched from Phobos and offer the probe’s final photo as proof. Who is hiding out on Phobos? (Or inside it as still others assert?) Who wants to keep us out of space? Of course, if I were an alien (as many claim) I certainly wouldn’t want the killer apes from Earth to start flooding my nice quiet galaxy. I would thwart their space efforts too. Read on for a taste of some of this wackiness.

destruction of phobos grunt

Fragments of Phobos Grunt crash into the Pacific OceanRussia’s 13-ton (11.8-tonne) unmanned Phobos-Grunt interplanetary space probe that was launched from the Baikonur Cosmodrome in Kazakhstan on November 9, 2011 has reportedly burned up in the Earth’s atmosphere. According to Russian Air and Space Defence Forces, the spacecraft was destroyed on Sunday, January 15th, 2012 at 1745 GMT as it made an uncontrolled re-entry and broke up 775 miles (1,250 km) west of Chile in the South Pacific.

The Phobos Incident

The Phobos Incident – Malfunction or Early “Star Wars”?Phobos, one of the two moons of Mars, has itself always been considered a rather mysterious object, as has its smaller twin, Deimos. Joseph Shklovskii noted member of the Soviet Academy of science and co-writer with Dr Carl Sagan of ‘Intelligent life in the universe’, once calculated from the estimated density of the Martian atmosphere and the peculiar “acceleration” of Phobos, that the satellite must be hollow.

The Phobos Program

Phobos program – Wikipedia, the free encyclopediaThe Phobos (Greek: Φόβος, Russian: Фобос, Fobos) program was an unmanned space mission consisting of two probes launched by the Soviet Union to study Mars and its moons Phobos and Deimos. Phobos 2 became a Mars orbiter and returned 38 images with a resolution of up to 40 meters.

Or is The Onion correct after all?

Mars Probe Destroyed By Orbiting Spielberg-Gates Space PalaceCAPE CANAVERAL, FL—NASA officials have confirmed that the space agency’s $170 million Mars Rover was destroyed Sunday by a ship-to-ship phaser fired from the defense array of the $950 billion Spielberg-Gates Space Palace, an opulent, Rhode Island-sized orbiting mansion which serves as an outer-space getaway for moviemaker Steven Spielberg and computer magnate Bill Gates.

Author: Blaine L. Reininger

Blaine L. Reininger was born July 10, 1953 in Pueblo, Colorado. Then he lived a life. By and by, he founded Tuxedomoon with Steven Brown in 1977. He traipsed around America, tuxedomooning until 1980, when he began to traipse around Europe. As a direct result of all of this traipsing, many musical compositions were composed, most of which found their way to some sort of mechanical device capable of reproducing musical compositions. This was mostly for the good. He now lives in Athens, Greece, where he is content.

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